Sunday, April 10, 2011

Am I afraid?

The past few days have been difficult for me. There have been many things that I feel passionately about but which I do not feel comfortable writing about. Am I afraid? What am I afraid of? These are the few questions that cross my mind. And sometimes it is just the fear of certain repercussions that will result from blogging too honestly about my personal life. Cos there are days when things do not go well and I feel like spewing vulgarities into the Internet. But I restrain myself because I know I will regret it one day and that I will end up revealing a side of me that readers might not be familiar with.

I need to admit that beneath a lot of happiness and good times are sometimes lots of heartaches, failures and angst. And sometimes, a happy weekend can soon turn into a deep bout of depression for me. I start to turn depressive and moody. The world suddenly seems a lot bleaker. The future is no longer bright. And I wallow in self-pity. It does not help that I cannot tell anyone what I truly feel. For if I do so, I might end up cursing and swearing under my breath. And that I know I will regret I'm due time. So I am afraid that I will destroy the image that I have been projecting all long. But somedays, I really feel like I need to get it off my chest.

So tomorrow is a brand new day. And I must remember that I live a life more fortunate than others. Be contented with what I have. One day the light will come. And hopefully I will have the courage to tell of my struggles and life in an honest manner. And perhaps I could share my deepest regret with all one day. But in the mean time, I need to get out of this depressive mood! Perhaps the best way is to not think about it. But then that is just ignoring the problem. Perhaps it is time I confront the problem head on.

8 comments:

  1. Hi FF,

    The best way to feel good (it works for me too) is to put out 10 things that you are grateful about. Upon reaching 10 pts, you should feel immediately better already. If not, extend it to 15 pts, then 20 pts.

    I don't believe that if you can find 10 over things that you are grateful about, you still won't feel less moody :)

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  2. You can tell them in the form of a story. Right?

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  3. Hi FF,

    I can understand how you feel. It helps if you can find 3-4 "Big Friends" among the 300-400 "Small Friends" and share your dreams and woes. We can learn from the Woman to release our frustrations and not keep our problems in our heart to the day it explode

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  4. Hi,
    It's human to feel depression sometimes of our life. As you grow older you shall feel life is more calm, more certain as you have gained experience of living your life.

    Anyway,
    Try concentrate on your short term gaols.
    Which shall help you to move on.
    If really you need or want to talk to someone yet prefer to keep your identity, call strangers like "SOS", etc. Please don't mistaken "SOS"; you can talk to them about anything not necessary that "thing only".
    In this way, you can let go your "frustrations before reaching explosived state, safely for yourself and family & "people around you".

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  5. Just sharing I am listening to you.

    And will be listening again whenever you are ready to share.,

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  6. Sometimes you need to evaluate your own expectations to see if they are realistic. Just as an example, your post on the possibility of buying private property. You are not even 30 but you already own an apartment, married and have a kid. That is achieving a lot already. Don't be in such a rush to achieve FF. It will certainly take a load off your mind

    X

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  7. Hi, there is always making another blog with a separate anonymous identity, or just writing out what is rattling around in your brain onto a Word document without sharing with all. Sometimes, just to get it out on virtual paper helps you to look at things from a different light or perspective.

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  8. Thanks for the good advice. I truly appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete

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