Being brutally honest is necessary for blogging. But it is also relevant our lives in general. I had a flashback of some vacation work that I used to do while I was waiting to enter into the army for my national service. It was at a conference room. And the manager was rebuking his staff for not bringing value to their jobs. He even told them that he often went on job interviews outside to test his market value and encouraged his staff to do so. To which, one of his staff answered: " We are loyal to this company. Why would we do that?"
At that point in time in my life, I thought that manager was seriously one of those bad bosses. His staff would talk behind his back. They clearly did not like him. But today, I recalled the lesson he taught and realised that his staff probably missed the gist of his message. Loyalty to a company is not relevant to the question. The manager was really asking his staff what sort of value were they bringing to the job and why the company should be paying them. His challenge was for them to quit complaining and add value. And the true test of whether you are bringing value to the job is if another company is willing to pay you as much or even more.
Today as I thought about this point, I realised how true it is. For many years in my life now, I have been working and receiving my pay as though someone owed me a living. I shunned extra work and was always jealous of others who got promoted faster than me. I then had to ask myself this question. Do I quit and find another job? Or do I stay on?
But perhaps the more important question is whether do I add value to the job that I am in. How am I performing? Can someone do this job better than me? Where is my value add? Does my boss look at me and think: "This guy is the best person for the job." Or does he simply look elsewhere. This are hard questions that I ask myself each day. And it is particularly difficult because I am introverted in nature and don't get the chance to shine like the extroverts do. Somehow in all my education, I feel that I have somehow neglected my interpersonal skills, communication skills, persuasion skills and stuff. I might be older but I sure ain't wiser than the fresh graduate who comes in.
I have searched hard for an answer and the harder I drill down to the important questions, the more brutally it hurts. The sense of inadequacy, the feeling that I would do better at the job if I were an extrovert nibbles at me. I question whether it was my family upbringing or whether it was just my personality that got in the way. Or perhaps it was because of the faithful decision I made not to study overseas but locally that has driven me to where I am today. But one cannot look back at the past and wonder. Instead, I need to look ahead and hope for the future. But the baggage of the past sometimes weigh me down. Perhaps a better university would have done me some good in my career progression. Perhaps a more outgoing personality. Perhaps being a little taller. Perhaps being a bit more handsome. I don't know. Somehow, it seems like working hard alone is not enough. A certain X factor is required.
I once thought I was clever. But when I started working, I realised that there are much cleverer people around me. Now I no longer think I am clever. In fact, I doubt whether I am even average in intelligence. Surely if I was above average, I wouldn't be where I am today.
This is a brutally honest post. It is about brutal questions I have to ask myself.
